I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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