I'm laying in your front yard are you home
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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