i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
