he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
