I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
