Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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