I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
