You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Randomize
