This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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