guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
