So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
foreskin is a definite game changer
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
