i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
