Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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