Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize