she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
