and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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