well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
