Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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