Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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