Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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