When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
