Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
