I hate all girls vehemently.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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