the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
