i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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