she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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