weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
