He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
