Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
