If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
