i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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