i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
