i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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