if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
