you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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