and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have fence marks all over my body
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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