Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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