It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
