last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
