I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize