did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize