if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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