i jhust puked up my retainher.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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