I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
