I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
