My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
