if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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