a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
