"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
