I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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