My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize