I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I AM VODKA MAN
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
