Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
