I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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