and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
