well you can't waste a boner
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
