that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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