clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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