why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
