i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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