I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
