I accidentally had phone sex last night
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
