some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
