In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
