it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
