whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Damn victory sex feels great
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
