Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize