Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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