i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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