everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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