Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette

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(425): View more from Washington

I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.

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(678): View more from Georgia

So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.

(770): View more from Georgia

Dude. Do it.

(678): View more from Georgia

Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?

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(719): View more from Colorado

Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.

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(585): View more from New York

Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight

Fav 2 28 56
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(425): View more from Washington

Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!

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