glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
