Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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